Potato Pandamonium
by Cringe
Summary: [On Hiatus] What happens when you include an evil potato out for revenge, leprechauns, an old legend, and Inuyasha's first bag of potato chips? Complete and absolute Pandemonium! Extreme OOCness. R&R please.
1. The Glowing Potato Chip

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha and co. they are the property of Rumiko Takahashi.  
  
Chapter 1: A glowing Potato Chip   
  
"Hi everyone! I'm back!" Kagome sprang out of the well and ran towards her friends who were lounging on the grass. Inuyasha, Shippo, Sango and Miroku all looked up at her.

"Look what I brought!" she said as she turned over her enormous yellow backpack, sending brightly colored food packages spewing across the forest floor.

"Kagome Kagome Kagome! You're back! You're back!" exclaimed Shippo, bouncing up and down erratically until his head got stuck in a tree branch. "Kagome! I'm stuck! Help me!!!"

Inuyasha flew up to where Shippo was hanging. "Serves you right, you little pipsqueak," he said scathingly. He pounded Shippo on the head, sending him plummeting towards the ground where he landed with an "Oomf!"

"Hi Kagome!" said Sango as she approached. While she was distracted, Miroku took the chance to...

"HENTAI!!!" Sango stood there, her entire body shaking with fury as she lowered her boomerang.

"Nice to see you again... Kagome," said Miroku, somehow unfazed by his awkward position 3 inches below ground level, or by the fact that his body was in a completely unnatural position.

Inuyasha hopped down from the branch where he had been watching the entire episode, landing on a large, colorful bag of potato chips, which exploded under his weight.

"Why on earth did you bring all this stuff anyway stupid!" he snapped, as the air was filled with flying potato chips. A big, faintly glowing one landed on his head, ending his furious litany.

"What are these things anyway?" he asked, nibbling the foreign object experimentally.

"It's a potato chip," replied Kagome.

"What's a... 'po-ta-to chip'...?" queried Inuyasha as he sniffed it.   
"Fried potato slices with salt."

Inuyasha shrugged his shoulders and popped the chip into his mouth. "Whatever."   
  
No one noticed that the potato chip had been glowing, (A/N This is the only glowing potato chip) or that Inuyasha's eyes had taken on a strange, greenish sheen before returning to their usual amber color.   
  
End of Chapter 1

A/N: OK, I need at least 5 reviews before I post the next chapter...I like to know if people are actually reading this. I know the chapter is short but it gets longer later...much later.


	2. Where's Inuyasha?

Chapter 2   
  
The next morning... in Kaede's hut...   
  
"Augh! Who did this?!?" Kagome's infuriated shriek rent the previously still morning air. She had just discovered that someone had thrown the contents of her backpack all across the floor.

"Good morning, Kagome. What seems to be bothering y... whoa. What happened?" asked Miroku, eyeing the chaos. Then Sango and Shippo appeared.

"Kagome, Kagome, Kagome! Are you okay?" demanded a frantic Shippo.

"Yes, I'm fine," Kagome replied, "but look! Someone went through my bag and now all the potato products are gone! Hey," she said, noticing her ½ demon friend's absence for the first time, "Where's Inuyasha?"

"He was sleeping right out there last might," said Shippo, pointing to Inuyasha's favorite tree.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, his nose twitching. "Inuyasha's scent is mixed with the smell of... POTATOES?!"

"Inuyasha!" grated a furious Kagome. "SIT!!!"

Everyone waited for the expected "crash", but there was only silence. "Huh?" said Kagome, very puzzled.

"Kagome? Wasn't Inuyasha supposed to crash down?" asked Sango.

"Yes... yes he was," Kagome replied

"Kagome... if Inuyasha is not here, then is it possible that he is now in... your world?" asked Miroku.

"Oh no!" whispered Kagome. She dashed off in the direction of the well. When she arrived, Inuyasha's footprints and handprints were clearly visible. Without hesitating, Kagome jumped into the well.   
  
In the present time...   
  
Kagome leaped out of the well and ran towards her house. She stuck her head into the kitchen where her mom was fixing dinner.

"Mom? Have you seen Inuyasha?"

"Yes, he was here last night, he woke everyone up."

"How? Did he...?" "Oh. He was rummaging through the pantry... He seemed very hungry."

"Really? Can you tell me what happened?"   
  
Meanwhile in Ireland, pandemonium was breaking loose.   
  
End of Chapter 2

A/N: OK, I lied. I'm not waiting for reviews. However if don't get more than 2 reviews by the 6th chapter(which will be posted in 5 weeks. 1 chapter per week.) I'm going to have to delete this story.


	3. Inuyasha's Where!

Chapter 3   
  
"He did WHAT?!?"

"No need to shout, dear. But that's right- he took all the potato products. He must really like potatoes... he even took those 5 year old hash-browns that were starting to turn funny colors." Kagome said quickly "Okaaay, thanks-mom-gotta-go-bye!" as she ran out the door.   
  
Feudal Japan  
  
Kagome was informing the others of the problem. "Inuyasha is in the future stealing all the potatoes. Nothing with potato in it is safe."

Shippo asked, "Well, what are we supposed to do about it?"

Sango, ever practical, replied, "Um, does this seem really obvious to anybody but me? We just wait until he gets full then pop him! Er, I mean, we... drag him back here?"

Shippo piped up, "What if he doesn't fit in the well?"

Kagome was already running towards the well (again). She called over her shoulder, "We'll MAKE him fit!"   
  
Present Time   
  
Kagome dashed back into the kitchen and up the stairs.

"Oh, hello, dear. Back so soon?" her mother called to her retreating back.

She tore around the house throwing things into her backpack. She ran straight past the TV, then did a double take and ran right back. The headline on the screen was "Potato Pandemonium!" The anchorman's eyes had a panicked glint in them. "All the potatoes have vanished! The remaining 22 potatoes are worth their weight in gold!" Someone came up and whispered something in his ear. "Ah, correction- the remaining 21potatoes are worth their weight in gold. Yet another one has disappeared! This severe shortage of spuds has been dubbed 'The Potato Famine' by the Irish, who have been hit the hardest by this tragedy."

Kagome groaned with an Irish accent. "I guess it's off to the Emerald Isle for this lass. Blarney!!!"   
  
End of chapter 3

A/N: Ok, Now the Humor begins! I think I might actually post Chapter 4 on Wednsday because it's completed and just sitting in my laptop. I am working on another fanfic. I need people to read and vote on it's plot. The fanfic's name is "Unexpected". I might change the name later if I don't delete it. Oh. and to look up how the progress is going for each chapter of PP go to my bio page.


	4. Kagome's WHAT?

I...Love...reviews!!!! Thank you people! Oh, and just to let you know, this is my FAVORITE CHAPTER of all time! serious humor going on...Did you know I spelled my own fanfic's title wrong? I'm such an idiot. Anyway, time for me to stop blabbering, and on with the story! ...........ok...I lied, one more thing. Is anyone using the stats on my profile page? if you are speak up! cause if know one's using it I'm going to get rid of it bwahahahaha! Finally a longer chapter! have fun reading it!

NOW for the story!

Chapter 4   
  
"Hey mom? Um, how am I supposed to get to Ireland?"

"Why that's simple dear- you swim."

"Okaaay... thanks, mom, I guess." Kagome ran outside to the well and stuck her head inside.

"Guys?"

"EEEEK!!! Kagome's dead! Her head got chopped off!" Shippo was the first to spot Kagome and, as is typical with Shippo, panicked. "Yaaaaah!!!"

Kagome grabbed her grandpa's walking stick and whacked the little fox on the head with it. "Shut up, Shippo! I'm not dead!"

Miroku had heard Shippo's cries and came running over. "Shippo, what do you mean?!? How did Kagome die?!?"

"I'M NOT DEAD!!!"

"Are you sure? You look all pale..."

Shippo regained consciousness and added, "Yeah, Kagome, you look really stoned."

"I'm not dead! And I'm NOT STONED!!!"

Miroku reached out a finger and prodded Kagome's head. "You feel stoned to me... I mean, your head's as hard as a rock."

Kagome rolled her eyes significantly and gave Sango a "look." Sango grinned and reached out to grab the discarded walking stick.

"Would you like me to prove it to you, Miroku?" Kagome asked sweetly as Sango snuck up behind Shippo, thwacking the kit soundly on the skull.

Miroku, unaware that his comerade was down, entered the lion's, or in this case lioness's, lair alone. "Please do, Kagome!"

CHOMP!!!

"Ouch!"

"You know, Miroku, I don't think a ghost could harm someone on the physical plane," Sango said practically before hitting the perverted monk on the head with the stick. After dispatching Miroku, Sango asked, "I take it you have news on Inuyasha?"

"Yes," Kagome replied. "He's on a rampage in Ireland. I have to stop him. How would you suggest I get there?"

"Hmmm..." Sango thought about it for a couple minutes. "Where's Ireland?"

"Aaaaaaugh!!! It's... what are you doing?" While Kagome had been talking, Sango had tied Miroku's and Shippo's arms and legs behind their backs and strung them up in the tree. She was busy fitting nooses around their necks.

"Oh nothing. I'm just making sure they don't cause any more trouble... Hey, do you think this will fit over Miroku's head?"

"Sango- STOP!!! They don't need to be dead! Even if they do deserve it!"

"Whatever." She had just finished fitting the rope around Miroku's neck. Miroku's eyes fluttered open and he took in his surroundings.

"Augh! I've been captured by a demon!!!"

"Hey! Who're you calling a demon?!?" Sango yelled angrily, plucking a squirrel off the branch next to her and smacking Miroku with it. Unfortunately for the monk, the squirrel was in need of some serious anger management therapy.

"Eeek! Demon squirrel! The trees are haunted!!!" Thrashing about in a panic, Miroku managed to tighten the noose around his neck.

"The trees... they're haunted..." he croaked faintly before he lapsed into unconsciousness.

"You know," Sango mused, "I think Shippo has Miroku's noose and Miroku has Shippo's."

At that moment, Shippo woke up from his coma and began swinging back and forth in his ropes and head butting Miroku's limp form.

poke

poke

poke

Kagome had been watching the entire episode from the well in sheer disbelief at the stupidity of her friends.

"STOPPIT!!!"

Everyone, including the deranged squirrel, stopped and looked at the head poking out of the well.

"Can we please get back to the matter at hand?!? I have news of Inuyasha!!!"

She turned to the only other person not tied up. "Sango, cut them down. I need everybody's help."

End of Chapter 4

A/N: The line where Sango says Miroku has Shippo's noose and vice versa means that the noose is too tight on Miroku and too loose on Shippo. Ok, I loooooove reviews. To check when I'm going to post the next chapter always...ALWAYS check my profile page. I've got stats on every single chapter that I've completed. This fic will NEVER be incomplete. I like it to much. Oh, and a side note. On the stats part of my profile, andything that says "needs editing" simply means it's done and being edited by my friends and I. Also, you're going to have to wait for the next chapter. My friends and I haven't gotten together since this chapter was created which was over 3 weeks ago. I feel so evil....BWAHAHAHA!


	5. Off to Ireland!

As Sango cut Shippo and Miroku down from the tree, Kagome explained what she had learned about Inuyasha's mysterious disappearance.

"So you see, I have to get to Ireland somehow..." Finished Kagome

Everyone was silent...except for Miroku, who had apparently not learned his lesson.

"So you mean Inuyasha is running around the world eating everything."

"Nooo... He's eating anything with potato in it"

"Oh...so anything containing the substance of potato is in Inuyasha's hands, and we must stop him from obtaining everything with the substance of potato. Therefore, if Inuyasha has so many potatoes he is bound to eat them all and become fat. So we must save him from being fat."

"Yes... No! I don't know...NO MORE QUESTIONS!"

"Kagome...so if Inuyasha is fat...do we have to pop him to get him into the well?" asked Shippo.

"...... okayyy... any ideas on how to get to Ireland?'

"Swim!"

"Walk!"

"Fly!"

"ok...any more ideas?"

"Ride Free Willy!"

"Why don't you use Kirara?" asked Sango

"People might see her...besides, you guys can't go through the well...WAIT! I know how you can go through the well!" Kagome exclaimed. Kagome ran to her backpack and withdrew the bottle of jewel shards. She broke a small fragment into 4 pieces. She handed a fragment to Shippo, Sango, Kirara, and Miroku.

"Now you can come through the well." As they all turned around and started toward the well a shriek could be heard from the back.

"AAAAAAAHHHH!"

"What the?"

"Squirrels! Squirrels! They're attacking! AHHHHHHHH!" Shrieked Miroku. He ran away from the deranged squirrel waving his arms over his head.

"Miroku! Watch...."

As he was running Miroku tripped over the edge of the well and fell head first into the well.

"...out" finished Kagome with a wince

"Well now we'll know if we can get through the well or not" Said Sango cheerily. They ran over to the well. No Miroku.

"Ok. So now it's proven, we can all get through the well...you next Shippo." Said Kagome.

"Why me? I don't wannnnaaaaa!" Shippo ended with a shriek as Sango picked him up and tossed him into the well then jumped in herself.  
  
On the other side of the well...

"Sango help Miroku out of the well please" Kagome turned around and saw Souta standing in the doorway in a scuba gear.

"Souta? Why are you wet? And why on Earth are you wearing a scuba diving outfit?!"

"Mom said you were looking for a way to Ireland. I found you a ride follow me..."

At the beach a few miles away...

"This was your idea?!" Said Kagome

"Yep"

"You want us to ride that thing!"

"It's not a thing...It's an..an...Inflatable whale!"

"Thank you for the offer but I don't think so Souta. Now go back home. Mom's probably worried."

"...ok sis. Hope you find Inu."

"...That's your brother's idea?" Asked Miroku

"Unfortunately yes... but we don't have much choice do we..."

"Not unless you want Kirara seen by anybody..."  
  
3 hours later...

"Row everyone! Put your backs into it!" Shouted Kagome looking over her shoulder

"Aye Aye Capitan!" said Miroku, and then in a quieter voice said to Sango and Shippo, "did we really have to use an inflatable whale? Don't they have inflatable boats?"

Unfortunately for him Kagome had overhear him speaking... "Miroku..." Said Kagome in a sweet voice

"Yes Kagome?" he replied nervously

Splash

"Blurble Blurble! Kaggooomee! I cclaann't svimm!" screamed Miroku between blurbles.

"I'd better go save him." Sighed Sango before jumping in. She heaved Miroku on board a few seconds later. As she pumped water out of his lungs, he suddenly regained consciousness and gasped out, "I knew you'd come and save me Sango!" while taking the chance to grope her.

"PERVERT!" shrieked Sango as she picked up Miroku and heaved him overboard.

"Sanggoooo! I really can't sw-...AAAAAHHHHH SHARK!" Miroku's arms paddled faster than light speed as he made a deadline toward the boat. Speeding away from a long dorsal fin from under the water.

"Well...what happened to 'I can't swim!'?" said Sango dryly before hearing Kagome's chuckle from behind her.

"Sango! What'd you do that for?"

"Huh?!" Shippo and Miroku turned and saw the 'shark' jump onto the boat and shrink into... 'so that's what Sango was reading...flashback to Sango reading a book ' Thought Kagome

"Kirara?!" asked Miroku and Shippo

Yes it was Kirara. Kirara with a now oversized dorsal fin strapped to her back.

"That was mean Sango. But I shall forgive you." Said Miroku...

Smash

"You know Kagome... I think it's best if Miroku remains unconscious for the rest of the trip..." Stomp

Whack

Crash

Smash

"That should do it" said Sango, dusting her hands off.

"Ok...Are we all finished? Good...oh and Shippo.... You have to row too"

"Why me?!" "Because Miroku's unconscious and we are now short one rower."

Shippo scuttled over and picked up Miroku's oar, looking nervously at a 'scary Kagome and Sango' and started paddling.  
  
At Kagome's house...

"Mom. I didn't think Kagome would actually use the inflated whale raft it was a joke. I had a lifeboat ready for her."

"...That's nice. Just make sure Kagome doesn't hear that..."

There you have it! Chapter 5. The chapters will now be posted farther apart because I have started a new fic call Secrets From the Past and it takes a ton of time to complete one chapter, something like 5 hours or so. Don't know if any of you would like it but it'd be nice if you could check it out and review for me. But don't forget to review PP ok? ok TTFN!

Cringe


	6. Too Many Potato Factories

Hi! I'm Back! Responses to some of my reviews:

Jemmini-Chan: I found your reviews quite entertaining. Glad you liked the story. Was the plot that confusing? Anyway gotta love the deranged squirrel! Glad you liked the squirrel...reminds me of my sister.

Hannah: You thought Shippo was a girl? I always thought Shippo was a boy. I can understand mistaking the manga Fluffy for a girl but not Shippo. I always thought He was a He. Most Fics say Shippo's a boy.

To all my other reviewers: Glad you liked the story, hope you're still reading it!

Dorchestra: you already know what's going to happen! You're my best friend!

Ok, so. Review and nag me to finish writing chapter 8 cause otherwise it's going to take me forever to finish it. I haven't written anything new for PP for 3 weeks. Oh, and you can blame me for all the retarded material in chapters 5 through 7. I wrote those by myself. Chapters 1-4 were written with my friend Big Elephant(She is not so don't go looking for her), Chapters 5-7 are written by me, and Chapter 8 is currently being written by Dorchestra and I.

So...On with the story!

Chapter 6:

'We've been in Ireland for 3 days and still no sign of Inuyasha' thought Kagome, '3 days, 240 potato factories down and 627more to go. Every person we've asked about Inuyasha's 'sickness' has fled in terror.'  
  
"Kagome?"  
  
"Huh?" Kagome shook herself out of her stupor  
  
"Kagome, isn't that the potato factory over there?" asked Miroku  
  
She checked the map, "Yes it is how did you know?"  
  
Miroku pointed at a huge sign, it had pictures of potatoes and writing.  
  
Kagome read the sign out loud "'Lucky's potato chip factory'...oh. Let's go check it out"  
  
They went to the door and knocked. The door cautiously opened and a little green man poked his head out, looking furtively around. When he saw them he waved them in franticly. As he did so a blur of red holding a large sack burst out of a window with a loud CRACK.  
  
"Not again!" swore the little green man  
  
"Santa Clause!" screamed Shippo, but Kagome proved otherwise  
  
INUYASHA!" Shrieked Kagome, "SIT"  
  
The figure crashed down, but was back on its feet in seconds and speeding off.  
  
Later in a sitting room in the factory  
  
The little green man turned around and eyed the group, "So who be you lassi. Knowing that evil potato demon?" He asked with a heavy Irish accent  
  
"My name's Kagome. We've been searching for our friend Inuyasha. What is your name?"  
  
"miname's not important. What ye are doing here is. Tell me your tale."  
  
Kagome & co. took turns explaining what had happened. The man paled as he listened to their tale.  
  
"We must bring you before the council! Many things are now made clear!" he gestured for them to follow. They followed him down a corridor and into a large room where 7 almost identical green men sat on chairs. As Kagome saw them, a thought trickled into her mind unbidden.  
  
"What is the meaning of this?" asked one  
  
"Yes Barnaby do explain." said another  
  
"Your honor" Barnaby addressed the second man, "These people have grave news. It is as we feared." His face paled, "the potato has struck again."  
  
"The potato?! What are you talking about" asked Kagome & co. in unison.  
  
"I am Lucky. Head of this potato factory let me explain" Lucky said gravely, but somehow looking cheerful at the same time, "Sit down. It is a long tale"...

A/N Review if you like it ok? Ok, anyone read my fic Secrets of the past yet? It needs some reviewers. it's got none currently. And if you want to know the chapter completeness for PP check my profile page. Also is anyone using the stats?


	7. Of Legends and Commercials

Hey people! Threatening reviewers deserve another chapter don't you think? I found it quite interesting to be threatened with my own fictional evil vegetable. All right, if you like my fic, check out this other Drama/Humor fic about potatoes, it's called 'A Piece of Potato Passion' incredibly funny, but not even remotely similar to mine. Jemmini-chan: I'm really sorry but 'sniff' there might not be any more deranged squirrels...there will be a baboon so cheer up! Oh, and read the symbols ok? Ok. I'm listing the symbols after this long and retarded Author's Note.

"------" : Interruption, someone interrupted whoever was talking

"------" (K) Kagome interrupted

"------" (Sh) Shippo interrupted

Ok, that's all you people need to know. And the retardedness of this chapter exceeds above any of the retardedness of all the others so shoot me......but not literally!

Chapter 7:

"_About1000 years ago, the 1st leprechaun..."_

"I knew it! Hah!"(K)

"...ahem_...the 1st leprechaun discovered an evil glowing potato among the years potato crop. The potato had the power to possess the minds of those who ate it. An unfortunate young leprechaun was the first to prove this theory. He was destroyed in the attempts to restrain the potato. However, soon after the 1st leprechaun overpowered the evil potato and threw it deep into the earth through a giant chasm._

"What does this have to do with Inuyasha?"(Sh)

"..._Who's telling the story? Me or you?"_

"...Ummmm...me?"(Sh)

"_NO! I'm telling the story!... Ahem... the potato vowed revenge on the leprechauns and their descendents. They feared the worst, and the potato was locked up for all eternity...or so they thought. Years passed and many forgot the legend of the potato and it's power of making it consumer potato addicted. However, one day while mining for potatoes we dug to deep and unleashed the power that is the potato! And as we feared, many of our potato-eating leprechauns have undergone a mysterious transformation, becoming..._"

beep

beep

"What was that?" Asked Kagome

"My watch, it's time for my commercial, be back it a few minutes." Said Lucky dashing out the door.

"Commercial?!"

"Look out the window..." said Barnaby, sighing in disgust

When they looked out the window they saw Lucky running away from a bunch of kids holding a cereal box screaming, "They're after me Lucky Charms!"

"Does that at least 5 times everyday. I swear, he's the worst High Chairman we've ever had. Anyway, to get back to the legend, let me finish it for you... _And as we feared, many of our potato-eating leprechauns have undergone a mysterious transformation, becoming potato crazed. We were saddened but it had to be done. We burned all the potato chip bags from that year's crop, and the 2 following groups. However, one foolish leprechaun let 13 out of the factory. _That's the end of the legend. We've been trying to track them down but to no avail. We began to hope that the potato chips had been lost_._ But I see it isn't the case. Your friend isn't the only one looking for potatoes, he's just the only one with enough power to cause this famine."

"So is there a cure?" asked Kagome

"Yes there is, but the ingredients are very difficult to obtain."

"Tell us." Said Kagome firmly

"Well ...ok. Here's how to cure him..."

A/N: Sorry it's so short. Ok, I will try and post chapter 8 on Wednsday, but no guarantees. If you like the story so far review! Oh, and I will post this earlier than Wednsday if I get 3 more reviews for PP.


	8. Anger Management

A/N: Hello! I was bad... Instead of writing chapter 9 I watched Tomb Raider on TV, so shoot me... or nag me to write, (I would prefer to get nagged, I'm not suicidal. You can also throw vegetables at me if you would like) I've been getting lazy. Ok, from now on, at the end of each chapter that contains an ingredient I will have a random location, fictional and non-fiction, where someone is potato-addicted. And in the epilogue of this story, there will be a little summary of their cure. So if you would like to contribute a location that would be nice. If you would like an explanation on why Shippo and Miroku are getting bashed on the head, and why Kagome is being mad all the time you can ask me NICELY in a review.

Chapter 8

"We're supposed to WHAT?!" Shrieked Kagome

"Yes, you heard me right. We have to go around the world and gather the ingredients. Make them all into a powder, then throw the powders into a giant laundry machine along with your friend for 3 days."

"And how are we supposed to put Inuyasha into a laundry machine?"

"uuuuhh...I don't know?..."

"You don't know! You don't know! I'm going to strangle you! You little munchkin!"

Sango and Miroku hauled a furious Kagome out of the room and decided it was time to help their friend undergo a little anger management. As Barnaby edged away, he firmly decided that Kagome was scary when she was mad.

Later in the office

After running Kagome through a few anger management sessions, Sango and Miroku deemed it safe for Barnaby, or any other leprechaun for that matter, to approach her.

"So...what ingredients are needed?" Said Kagome, just barely, calmly.

"Umm..." Barnaby looked at his list, "We need... A rare 1,752-year-old black pearl from the southern seas of India, the middle toenail from the right hind leg of a boxing Kangaroo from the southern parts of Australia, the fossilized eggs of an ancient 500 year old cricket and the square foot of grass around it from Jamaica, 1 nostril hair from an 8 foot tall water buffalo in the southern parts of Africa ...what?"

"What what?" asked Sango

"It says here that the last ingredient is a rock from the ancient chasm that the evil potato was thrown into."

"Well what's wrong with that?" asked Kagome

"Only that leprechauns are the only ones who can enter and leave alive..." He stopped and looked at the others, who were giving him evil glares, "What?" he asked feeling nervous.

"Well now we know who's going to be getting that item" said Kagome evilly for the rest of her companions.

Barnaby loosened his tie nervously and tried to change the subject. "Yes...well. When do we want to start leaving?"

In the southern parts of India: 2:58 P.M. The next day.

Miroku, Kagome, Shippo, and Sango stood around the shore of India, looking out through the vast plain of ocean.

"So, what are we supposed to be getting here?" Kagome asked the others.

Shippo consulted the list they had made and replied, "We need a rare 1,752 years old black pearl from the southern seas of India. How in the world are we supposed to find that? How are we supposed to dive down there and search for this one clam? The leprechauns are crazy!"

"AHEM!" Barnaby coughed loudly, indignant that Shippo had taken HIS own beautifully crafted list, and had proceeded to insult his clan.

"Well, who volunteers to go down there?" Kagome asked the group. When nobody offered his or her services, she targeted the least suspected victim.

"SHIPPO!" She called extra cheerfully.

Shippo cringed a little and answered carefully. "Yes Kagome?"

"Shippo, you can go there can't you? I mean, you can transform into something, like a fish, and go down there, couldn't you? Please?"

Shippo looked hesitant, not wanting to face his greatest fear under the deep waves. But he wasn't about to admit that he was afraid.

"Okay, I guess so Kagome. Turn into a fish? I could do that! Here we go!"

POP!!! 

Kagome laughed as Shippo's bushy tail was still attached to his new fish body. However, Shippo noticed and changed completely into the fish.

"Shippo, find the clam and then bring it back up to the surface, okay?"

The fish nodded its little head and dove underwater. However, a few minutes he resurfaced, "How am I supposed to know how old a clam is?"

"Why it's simple boyo. Count the rings on the shell." Said Barnaby

"...okkaayyy..." Shippo once again disappeared beneath the waves.

Shippo dove under the waves. The pressure of the water made him adjust his fish form to adapt to the ongoing pressure. He was surprised, it was so clear down here. Not as murky as he thought it would be. Suddenly he heard the dreaded noise...

Swish

Swish

Terrified he turned around. Sure enough the lean green chomping machine was heading toward him, getting closer and closer, dashing his only hopes that it would not be the dreaded...

"SEA TURTLE!AAAAAAAHHHH!" he shrieked, he tried to escape the monster but ran into a tangle of seaweed...

"AAAHHH! Octopus!" He clawed at the seaweed and ran head first into the mouth of a giant clam. With a click the giant jaws shut. He was trapped!

He took a while to adjust to the sudden darkness, but at least it was away from the horrible sea turtles and confining seaweed.

Suddenly he noticed that inside the clam was a gigantic BLACK pearl!

He lay on his fishy back and began counting the clam's rings...

'one...two...three...four...five...'

6 hours later

'1,747...1,748...1,749...1,750...or was it 1,751? No it was definitely 1,750...ok...1,751...1,752...Yes! I found the right pearl!" With a pop he became a giant pink bubble. Just barely fitting in the clam. With such a big bubble in it the clam slowly rose from the bottom of the ocean to the surface.

Meanwhile, Kagome, Sango, Miroku, Kirara, and Barnaby were waiting patiently by the shore for Shippo...Well...maybe not patiently...

"Where is he?" Sango asked impatiently.

"Wait! What's that?" Miroku asked.

"It looks like...a CLAM?!" Kagome asked in a bewildered tone.

It was a clam... and a rather large one at that.

"Can you hear that?" Kagome asked Miroku

"....I think so....doesn't that sound like..."

"Shippo?!" they said in unison. They could faintly make out what Shippo was saying.

"Help! Help! I'm stuck!"

"Coming Shippo!" said Miroku. He jumped onto the clam and proceeded to "wrestle" with it.

As Miroku was wrestling Sango and Kagome stared at his stupidity.

"Ok, I've had enough watching Miroku. Kirara, open that oyster's mouth."

Kirara leaped onto the clam and wrenched the clam apart, sending a pink balloon and Miroku flying onto the ship.

"Shippo! Did you get it?" asked Kagome

"Yep. Righ ere" said Shippo, sticking out his tongue. On his tongue lay the glistening black pearl.

Kagome picked it up and staggered under it's weight. Hefting it up more carefully she turned around and showed it to Barnaby.

"Is this the one?" She asked

Pulling out an eyeglass Barnaby began to examine it minutely. After about half an hour of shifting around uncomfortably Kagome decided she was through holding the heavy pearl and dropped it a centimeter from Barnaby's foot,

"Huh?" said Barnaby groggily

"Is it the right one or not?" asked Kagome impatiently

"Uh huh" muttered Barnaby, "Now let me go back to sleep" he said trailing off into deep breathes.

Kagome stared at the leprechaun in astonishment, which soon turned to rage. Sango and Miroku quickly walked toward their friend as she exploded, "ASLEEP! YOU WERE ASLEEP?!"

Barnaby edged nervously away

"YOU WERE ASLEEP! You stupid midget!"

Despite his current predicament Barnaby huffed in indignation at being called a midget, then suddenly found himself airborne and flailing in water.

Back on the ship, Kagome dusted her hands off, smiling in satisfaction. She grinned even wider when she saw the leprechaun flailing in the water.

"Umm...Kagome?" asked Sango hesitantly

"Yes Sango?"

"Umm...Can we rescue him now?"

".....sure...." said Kagome, "You can decide how" and turned around and walked to Shippo. Looking at the clipboard in Shippo's hands Kagome asked, "What's our next ingredient?"

In Middle-Earth....

"My precious! Precious..." hissed Sam softly as he rolled a spud in his hands, peering at it's goldeny goodness.

"Sam? Sam, are you alright?" asked Frodo nervously

Sam jerked his head up and clutched the potato closer to him, "It's mine my precious!" he snapped protectively,

"Ok, ok Sam, it's yours" said Frodo as he turned around, and with one last worried glance at his friend, went to sleep.

Sam continued to peer at the potato in delight, his eyes bugging out and faintly glowing green.

"We tolds him not to eat nasssty fish and chips didn't we my precious" hissed Smeagol to himself as he crawled away from Sam, shaking his head, "Stupid fat hobbit, should have listened to poor poor Smeagol."

End of Chapter 8

Ok, Any questions you have must be submitted in a review, since my e-mail is most definitely NOT available on my profile page. Okay, and for those of you who are searching for my other fics...Unfortunatly they have all been removed, cause I have serious plot issues. My newest one however, which shall be posted in a few minutes, has a sound plot, and will probably remain on fanfiction. net

Cringe


	9. Kangaroo hunting: Part 1

This is actually the first part of the attaining of the Kangaroo's toenail...so bare with me ok? I made sure to be nice and not leave a cliffy...at least...I don't think I did a cliffy...

Chapter 9:

In Australia...

"Where are we supposed to find a boxing Kangaroo?" asked Sango as they trudged the Australian outback.

Barnaby looked at the map, turned it left 90 degrees, turned cocked his head, and then pointed at a remote location on the map.

"Kangaroo peak...." Read Kagome aloud, "Uh huh...right...so we're following a name"

"Yup...pretty much"

"At least the anger management sessions with Kagome paid off." Whispered Sango to Miroku.

"hmmm...are you sure about that?" asked Miroku just as quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that..." Miroku pointed as Sango followed his gaze.

Barnaby was staggering around, surprisingly still on the right trail, all swirly eyed. He was clutching the map for dear life as Kagome landed another bonk on his head. Shippo stared at Kagome and yelled, "Do it again! Again! Again! YAY! Go Kagome! Give it to'em!"

"Oh my..."

Later that night...

(A/N: They are spending the night in a forest in Australia ok? Ok...)

"Kagome you sleep on this side of the fire, Barnaby sleeps on that side," stated Miroku

Barnaby picked up his belongings to move to his side of the fire.

"Fine, as long as I'm not sleeping within 2 feet of that mad women"

Miroku watched, shaking his head, as a large rock sailed over the fire to land on the leprechaun's head...

Kagome's jeering cry or "Say that again Midget!" came soaring over the fire with the rock.

Sango turned to face Miroku... "He was waiting for it..."

The next morning

Kagome and Company woke to the smells of bacon, eggs, toast, and potatoes?

"Good Morning!" Came Barnaby's hearty greeting, "I took the liberty of making breakfast!"

"Put it out! Put it out you fool! Inuyasha can smell a potato a mile away!" Screeched Kagome. Sango and Shippo made a mad dash to the potatoes and frantically tried to get rid of the hash browns that were in Barnaby's withdrawn hands. Miroku stood guard for the expected Inuyasha.

"Pshaw." Snorted Barnaby scornfully, "You don't _really_ think he can smell these potatoes from Brazil do you?"

However before Kagome could say anything a blur of red swooped down from behind and disappeared...along with the plate of potatoes that Barnaby had held...

"I suppose he can..." said Barnaby as he fell over in a dead faint.

"Sango? Where's Miroku? I thought he was supposed to be on guard"

Sango pointed to Miroku's bedroll.

Miroku was curled up in his makeshift bed, shivering.

"Squirrels, they're all around us...They're plotting something in those trees. HAHA! The trees! The trees are haunted..." he said muttering frantically his pupils dilated.

"I wonder how that happened?" mused Kagome

A Few minutes earlier...

Miroku faced the forest and held his staff before him.

"Inuyasha come out! I know you're here!"

"Very perceptive Miroku" came the voice from above him.

"Show yourself!"

"I'm right behind you..."

Miroku whirled to see Inuyasha grinning at him sadistically, his eyes green instead of their normal deep amber.

"I know what you're here for..."

"Indeed? Then move aside, and spare me from inflicting any pain upon you..."

"No! Inuyasha! We must cure you first! I will gladly accept any pain you give me if the end result is you sane!"

Inuyasha sighed, paused then said, "have you noticed the trees Miroku?"

"Umm...yes" Miroku wondered at this sudden change in topic

"Have you heard how they whisper at night? Plotting?"

"Trees plot?" asked Miroku, suddenly quite nervous.

"Of course trees plot, they plot with their friends the squirrels"

Miroku's pupils dilated, "squ-irr-els?"

Inuyasha nodded his head emphatically, "Yes squirrels, I happened to catch one of the little buggers, wanta see him?" before Miroku could answer Inuyasha reached up into the trees and pulled down a squirrel...but it wasn't just any squirrel, it was Miroku's dear friend the deranged squirrel from Feudal Japan. The squirrel screeched and howled and chattered, until Miroku's ears were ringing and ringing and ringing with squirrel talk...

"AHHHHH! Squirrels! They're plotting with the trees!" he shrieked as he went dashing back through the woods to seek the comfort of his bed...and perhaps Sango's rear to help him sleep...

As soon as Miroku was out of sight Inuyasha turned and handed a large bulging bag to the squirrel.

"Here's my part of the deal" Said Inuyasha, before dashing off towards the hapless Barnaby and his innocent plate of potatoes. The squirrel just pulled out a large nut and popped it into his mouth.

A/N: Ok, I'm on a roll again...kinda...so chapter 9 is back, and the squirrel returns. Ok, the LOTR thing at the end of the last chapter I have decided to make into a comic relief, it is to difficult to find something humorous in random locations. There will still be, however, a little ending for it in the epilogue . Thanks for being patient with me and my writers block.

Arigato!

Cringe


	10. Kangaroo hunting: Part 2

Disclaimer: Me no own, you no sue

The bright sun spread it's beautiful, and rather blistering, golden rays over the dry earth…and a certain company in whose adventures we shall now observe…

Kagome trudged along beside Sango, glaring at the nervous back of the hapless leprechaun before her. Barnaby shook with every step, feeling the 'mad woman's' eyes follow his every move…

"Where are we right now?" asked Miroku tiredly, even he was losing patience… after all, when one recovers from trauma, one does not usually have much tolerance left…it's all used up in the hyperventilating, nightmares, and spasmodic outbursts of insanity.

"er…" Barnaby looked at the map, and stabbed his finger at a location, "almost there…."

3 hours later…

"I thought you said we were almost there!" shrieked Kagome

Barnaby winced… "We _are_ almost there"

"…."

Everyone walked past, the now normal, sight of Kagome beating the stupid leprechaun to a pulp. They simply sighed and kept walking…except Shippo, who thought it was fascinating, and decided to observe so that he might learn these methods of violence and use it on Inuyasha…when he was older of course…he loved his beautiful red/gold furry hide too much to risk it now…he shuddered at the mental picture of his poor, beautiful fluffy pom-pom like tail sticking out from the wall of Kaede's hut, framed like a trophy for all to gaze upon and admire…ok, Shippo admitted to himself that having people admire his tail was a GOOD thing…but not from a wall!…especially since Inuyasha would laugh at him, and probably pull it a lot…then he'd have no fur left! He clutched his tail to himself and whimpered at the thought of his fluffy and golden tail, rat-like and hairless…he imagined himself hugging _that _to himself for comfort… he shuddered…nope, he'd definitely wait to physically torment Inuyasha until he reached at least 50 years old…he decided that would be enough time to grow stronger.

Later when Barnaby had sufficiently recovered from his brutal beating. They were walking again, this time, they really were almost there…seeing as how Miroku was now holding the map.

'Who knew how much pressure it was to lead a group.' Thought Miroku, he could just feel the girls' eyes boring into the back of his head…he wiped his palm nervously on his leg and kept walking. No wonder Barnaby was so jumpy!

"Are we there yet?" asked Shippo, bored from his position on Kagome's shoulder.

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"…No!"

"Ok…"

Miroku let out a breathe of relief…then groaned…

"Are we there yet?"

"…… NO!"

15 min. later

"Are we there yet?"

Miroku was beginning to twitch

"Are we there yet?" Shippo found this a great pastime to relieve his boredom…he wondered how long it would take for the monk to crack. Right now the Houshi was at 15minutes and 12 seconds.

"Are we there yet?"

"…."There was a pause…then "Yes…"

Shippo fell over as Kagome jumped up and asked, "really?"

"Yup…That's Kangaroo peak" Miroku said, pointing at a small plateau.

"How'd you know?" asked Shippo curiously.

Miroku pointed at a sign.

"…oh…"

Kagome plopped down, happy to rest in the shade of the huge gigantic rock.

"Ouch" she winced as she sat on her foot, as she collapsed backwards, "my foot's killing me"

"Really?!" asked Barnaby, he leaned over to peer at her foot. (Of course we all know that by now that Barnaby's a stupid git, that the author loves to pick upon right?) Unaware of Kagome's scowl…that is, until he found himself flying.

"Who's going to collect the toe?" asked Sango, "Kagome and I are too tired, Barnaby's off flying somewhere, Shippo's too little…so that leaves…"

Miroku grinned, "Of course I'll do it!" He loomed evilly over them, smacking a machete into the palm of his hand rhythmically.

"Intimidate the Kangaroo! Not us Baka!"

"oops…Sorry"

A/N So, sorry for not updating...you won't kill me right? After all, I do have 1/2 of Chapt. 11 already finished... ::peers out into crowd:: Hello? Is any of myreviewers still there?

Reviewer Responses:

Inuyasha's Daily: Ok, Miroku is afraid of squirrels due to theevents in chapter 4. reread that to answer your question.

GCN-anime-dragon: This fic's humor is rather pointless, and more like random humorous mental pictures that come to my poor insane author's mind. I think it's ok thatthe fic remains G ratedb/c whoever has seen IY must have seenMiroku gropping, so it's nothing new to viewers.


	11. Kangaroo hunting: Part 3

A/N: Oh wow, been almost a yeaer since i updated this hasn't it? Anyone still reading?

-----------

Miroku prepared to climb up the plateau in order to find this 'kangaroo' beast, when steady thumps could be heard approaching them.

He stepped in front of the girls and a quaking Shippo and said "I'll protect you! Don't worry!"

He held his staff in front of himself threateningly…he soon dropped his staff however, as the source of the thumping halted in front of him.

"Kagome? That wouldn't happen to be a Kangaroo would it?"

"Yes it is…why?"

"No reason…I've just never seen a Kangaroo, that's all." He stuttered out, while thinking how much it resembled a very large squirrel.

Noticing that his companions were staring at him strangely he said, somewhat,

confidently holding the machete in front of him.

"As long as you support me, I'm sure I'll do fine…" and advanced.

Shippo sweat dropped, looking between a very nervous Miroku, and Kagome and Sango…who were doing Miroku's funeral plans.

"Hm…what wood should his coffin be made of?" asked Sango

"How about pine?"

"Ok. Er…where are we going to bury him?"

"We'll shove him down the well, and bury him in Feudal Japan"

"…" Shippo shook his head, and wandered off stumbling around a little bit before coming across…

Well, more like falling across actually.

…Falling, tripping, rolling, cartwheeling,…er….whatever you want to call it, across a rock…

A little tiny rock the size of a toenail…

Shippo blinked and picked it up. Sniffing at it cautiously he grinned and ran back.

In the meantime Miroku was bravely trying to face down his worst fears…

The squirrel like kangaroo…

Or maybe more like a Kangaroo like squirrel…

Whichever one it was Miroku was facing it down.

"Er…Miroku…perhaps you should come out from behind the tree?" Sango asked

Or maybe not.

TBC

A/N 12 should be posted shortly. I'm very sorry for the delay but RL's been busy and my interest in IY has been waning. I'll poke at this here and there, but for now, consider PP on hiatus.


	12. Kangaroo hunting: Part 4

Disclaimer: look at chapter 1. Since nothing has changed since then, you can presume that anything IY related besides this plot, does NOT belong to me.

----

Sango frowned, "I thought you said you were going to protect us!" she gave him a shove, "now go out there and do some protecting!"

Miroku looked over his shoulder sweating, "but Sango!"

"Don't 'but Sango' me!" she glowered.

He eeped and turned around to face the Kangaroo.

Kagome simply smiled dreamily and began planning the wedding.

Miroku stepped forward and began approaching the animal, smile plastered on his face, "Here Kangaroo, here nice little…sq-Kangaroo"

The Kangaroo looked at him closely curious as to what this strange naked animal was doing getting so close to him.

Miroku stepped closer and pulled out his staff, "now stay still…" he pulled out the machete and swung it down heavily.

The Kangaroo jumped out of the way…and a little furry head poked out it's pouch.

Miroku's eyes grew large, "Sq-sq….SQUIRREL! AAAAAHHHH!" He tried to flee and ran straight into…

Can you guess?

…You guessed it…

He ran straight into a tree, fell over, and landed in a small…

Little pile…

Of lovely…

Round….

Hard….

….feces….

Did you think I was going to say nuts? Wouldn't that have been lovely though?

Miroku would have vehemanently agreed with the narrator but he was currently splayed over the mess, eyes swirling, "sq-sq-squirrel!"

And this was the scene as to which dear little Shippo walked into.

He looked around at the snickering Kagome, and the slightly disgusted, but amused, expression on Sango's face. The bewildered Kangaroo, and the laughing squirrel, and vaguely wondered if it was stalking his perverted friend.

TBC

A/N: I do not know when i will finish this. But as stated in the previous chapter. Consider PP on hiatus since updates will be irregular. Besides that. I hope you enjoyed the latest installments of Potatoe Pandamonium ;)


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